Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
