Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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