WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
