Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
