Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
