Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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