Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
