He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
