we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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