Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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