I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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