I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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