WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
if only i could text you this smell
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
