So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
