You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
