I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
false alarm. still invincible.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
