you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
