One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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