rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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