summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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