apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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