I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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