is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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