my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
