I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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