I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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