You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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