even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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