Did you just see the Batmobile???
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
