I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
