If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
