Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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