a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
