I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
people are starting to question the shark bite story
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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