I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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