so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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