i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
