Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
