I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
