you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
