I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
