i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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