Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
