i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
