I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
