I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I believe in your delicious
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
