Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
