Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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