Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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