My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
