That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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