I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
