I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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