Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
