I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
