I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
