Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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