You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
