We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Let's get the cat blown out
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
