walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
